Now that Simon Cowell is down to his very last minutes at American Idol, is Howard Stern finally ready to admit he wants to replace the cantankerous judge?

Not exactly…

“I watch it religiously,” the shock jock told me at the Sex and the City premiere at New York’s Radio City Music Hall. “I believe Crystal Bowersox will win.

“But I don’t think the show has been great this season,” he continued. “That’s why their ratings have dropped a little bit. I think the judges have been a little soft. I think it’s time to mix it up, make it a little more exciting again.”

If Stern does land the gig, don’t expect him to be Simon 2.0. “I like Simon,” he said. “I think he’s great, but I tend to more than just break people’s hearts about their dreams in singing. I don’t think that’s my kind of job.”

Who does he think is right for the gig? “I would have no idea,” he said. “Ellen DeGeneres has proven she’s a nice talk-show host, but she doesn’t offer anything controversial.”

Paula Abdul, on the other hand, “should do something,” Stern said. “The world needs her.”

And it’s getting her. Just hours after we spoke to Stern, CBS announced that the unpredictable makes-for-good-television Abdul will be lead judge on Got to Dance, an  upcoming American adaptation of the hit U.K. dance competition show of the same name.

Perhaps she’ll ask Stern to join her at the judges table.

She’s alive!

We were getting worried about Tila Tequila for awhile, as the batty, often-naked, talentless reality star has taken down her Twitter account and seemingly gone into hibernation. That’s what happens when you claim to be pregnant… yet there’s nary a baby bump months later.

But Tila actually appeared on the Howard Stern Sirius radio show yesterday, and she brought every ounce of crazy with her!

Among the topics Tequila dished on:

• She got artificially inseminated as a promise to late fiancee Casey Johnson.
• Tom, the creator of MySpace, personally invited her to join his social networking site.
• She thinks Casey’s dogs were euthanized by her family and buried with Johnson. (They weren’t.)
• Her and Casey were starting a lingerie line when the latter passed away.
• Tila admitted that Johnson “did have a lot of prescription medication… I didn’t know what they were.”
• But Tequila turned Casey’s life around by saying: “I will put you under my wing and I will heal you with my love.”

She also told Tila: “After I die, feel free to exploit my passing by giving every interview possible, pretending you are carrying our child and showing less shame than Tiger Woods in a Las Vegas nightclub.”

No, wait. Casey never said that.

While at the premiere of Green Zone in NYC on Thursday, Howard Stern, who has never been one to hold back, let his true feelings be known about becoming an American Idol judge and the possibility of working with Ellen DeGeneres.

He said, “Ellen has said she won’t work with me, but quite frankly, after watching her on the stupid show, I gotta tell ya, I won’t work with Ellen. She’s out if I come in.”

We’d like to point out that we’d LOVE to work with Ellen! Just saying!

She’d be down, but due to her settlement with Tiger Woods, Rachel Uchitel cannot participate in the mistress beauty pageant that Howard Stern wants to throw.

Sad, we know. But this is Howard Stern we’re talking about. He is a resourceful, driven individual, and he’s not about to let this genius idea fall by the wayside.

One of Rachel’s friends approached Howard’s people today, asking that a cardboard version of Rachel in various states of dress could compete in the pageant.

Yes, really. Stern’s show is trying to put it together and offer a $100,000 prize. Best of all? He’s already got four Tiger Woods mistresses lined up to take part.

Living, breathing ones!

Rachel Uchitel was Tiger Woods’ favorite mistress, and the first to be exposed. She’d likely win a beauty contest of all of his mistresses, if she were allowed to take part.

He’s not saying who, but you know Jaimee Grubbs is game, and rest assured, a cardboard cutout of Rachel Uchitel could still easily win this title.

Joslyn James, Tiger? Really? Theresa Rogers? Honestly, dude?

In case you were unaware, the reason Uchitel can’t participate is because of the seven-figure deal she signed with his camp to keep quiet about their affair.

This apparently wouldn’t constitute discretion … wonder why.

Who do you think is the hottest Tiger Woods mistress?

Paula Abdul finally declared her opinion on the Howard Stern situation this morning …. but moments after taking a stand, the former “American Idol” judge seemed to flip-flop worse than John Kerry.

It all went down when Paula was on her way in to a radio interview in Phoenix, Arizona when a cameraman — not ours — asked what she thought of Stern possibly taking over for Simon Cowell.

Paula’s reply: “I don’t think that’s gonna happen … I don’t know … funnier things happen.”

When the cameraman asked why Stern would be qualified for the gig, Abdul responded, “He hates the show … I don’t even know why … He doesn’t hate a hundred million though.”

FYI — Simon is only reportedly making about $50 mil a season.

We’d do it for free!

Howard Stern has said that he would replace Simon Cowell on American Idol, but only if they cough up 100 million big ones. Says Stern:

“They’d have to pay me a ton of dough because I already make a ton of dough. Yeah I would do that show for $100 million.”

Stern, referring to the Idol as a “fucking karaoke contest” said that being a judge would be the best job on the planet and he is even rumored to be leaving Sirius XM Radio soon.

BUT $100 million is a lot of money…

And like we said — PEREZ will do it for free! Call us!